So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
this will be a night to untag.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
