Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
