Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
