Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
