john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
