im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
