eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
