Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
