I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
