i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
