taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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