I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
