i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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