I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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