burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
