YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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