I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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