she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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