he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
