I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
