he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
