Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
