Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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