I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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