I hate your face
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
