Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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