Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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