I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
