Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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