I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
