How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
