Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Let's get the cat blown out
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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