the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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