What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
