he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
