I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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