Yo dont text me then not text me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
