also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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