i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
