i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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