I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
