she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
