I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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