i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I didn't notice because vodka
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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