We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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