That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
