I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
