A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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