You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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