the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
